The odd feeling

It's the first Christmas that neither my dad and my mum are here for Christmas. It's a little unsettling that it's just the siblings eating at Christmas. Everything that I have been thinking has made no progress.

I feel like a failed piece of meat going rotten with chance of changing. I have been stick like this all my life and it's hard to get out. Life is sooo shit for me that I took up my smoking, it's wrong I know but everything is failing me now and my determination is flat with poison. I really want to change but everything has hit me hard in the head that I can't do anything to fight back.

Maybe I have the life that isn't worth living... *sigh* I hate my life.