Even the small things, really annoy me now... It's gone bad to worse and I feel that I'm losing my mind. I'm generally dislike my new sis-in-law's ways... I know that sounds mean but I seriously annoyed. Nearly everything is like changed, I know, I rant alot but I'm pretty much don't have anyone to to support me in emotional situations like these.
The food has changed at meal times, nearly everything I eat is salty, which for me I tend to eat slightly blandish foods, salt not to my taste. I eat less too because of my fat bro like placing his hand on her lap, like I want to have that while I'm bloody eating. Plus the PDA (public display of affection) is like too much, i have to divert my eyes somewhere else, which is a pain. My towel is been used by her - which I don't think that I will be using anymore - since she has hepitatis B. No offence to people who has it but geez... you don't take someone's toothbrush and use it (I have a think about hygiene, especially if it's my own.)
Things that I'm considering...
I want to plan on moving out, I'm getting slightly sick and tired of not finding the things that I have placed of knowing that they are there but actually it's gone. Plus I don't have to hear them talk and her crap music taste. Yeah, I sound really fickle, but I just fed up.
The month in Japan... my mum said something on that. She thinks that I can go somewhere else besides of Japan. Hell no... I'm totally going, I haven't had a decent break of my own where I can relax and enjoy a country. I mean... in Hong Kong, I love the place but what's the fun of just eating, shopping and go home and eat some more. The only thing that I wouldn't fuss over is seeing my other relatives and respect the dead in Hong Kong. That all that matters to me... the shopping over there isn't much to marvel at.
The sense of feeling suicidal, I know, it's depressing to think about it. There are times that I just feel that I useless and stupid. I mean, the other day, I said to my mum that I feel that I can't do anything useful for myself and other ranted shit that was on my mind and she just smiled and laughed... WHAT THE FUCK! I was thinking that my mum would even give a slightly support of encouragement... but all I get is a laugh. This really pushes me on a edge of depressing... every time when I'm using a knife, I just keep on seeing a image of me cutting my arm in one slow stroke. Just typing this it really is, like, I've gone mad... and now, I'm like eating less than usual and feel that it would affect my health... why the fuck did I have to be like this, so weak and worthless. I don't have the energy to be me anymore... everything is like altered and never really changed into anything postive. I don't feel like talking to my family anymore... it will either be the same crap or boring shit.
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